The call comes at the worst possible time. Somebody wants you to weigh in on a conflict that started long before you got involved, and they are already halfway convinced you agree with them. You have not said a word yet, and you can already feel your evening slipping away into a war you never signed up for.
I have taken that call more times than I can count, and for years I thought picking it up, every time, no matter what it cost my own peace, was just part of being available to people. It took me a long time to learn something that has changed how I lead, how I pastor, and how I protect my own family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a pass on a war that does not belong to you.
Somewhere along the way, a lot of good hearted people picked up the idea that saying no to a conflict means you do not care enough to get involved. That is simply not true. Refusing to be pulled into confusion is not selfishness, it is stewardship of the peace God actually wants you to walk in.
I think about a friend who once told me plainly, run with the runners, do not chase anybody. Stay focused on where God has you going, and stop letting people who only want to pull you off course dictate your direction. That advice was not just about ministry. It applies just as much to your marriage, your parenting, and your friendships.
You will know the moment when it happens. Someone brings you a conflict wrapped up as urgent, even though it has been simmering long before you heard about it, and now they are watching to see whose side you will take.
Loving someone through their criticism, without letting it steal your peace, is not weakness, it takes real grace. That kind of steadiness costs something. It is not natural. It is the fruit of actually walking close enough to God that His peace outweighs whatever noise someone else is trying to hand you.
Here is the part worth sitting with. Every minute you spend absorbing someone else's war is a minute you are not fully present with the people who actually need you, your spouse across the table, your kids in the next room, the people God has assigned to your care, your own walk with God in the quiet part of your day. Distraction has a cost, even when it comes dressed up as loyalty or concern.
This is not a call to stop caring about people. It is a call to stop confusing being pulled into every argument while actually loving people well. You can love someone and still refuse to let their war become your identity for the week. That distinction matters more than most of us were ever taught.
If you have ever felt guilty for stepping back from a conflict that was not yours, that guilt is worth examining honestly instead of just obeying. The same principle shows up in what it actually means to lead people instead of owning them, and in the difference between being there and actually being present with the people in front of you. Both are really about the same thing, where your attention goes is where your love actually shows up.
If this is a season where your peace keeps getting handed away to other people's conflicts, or your own worry over things outside your control, it might help to read more on what it looks like to walk dependent on God's peace instead of your own anxiety. Dr. Vorce writes more about staying anchored in God's presence instead of every voice competing for it in his book Presence Driven. Grab your free copy at jonathanvorce.com.
Remember..."The Word Will Work, If You Work the Word."
Get an email when a new post goes live.
No spam, unsubscribe anytime.
Comments